Lost Hope
by heartofstele
Summary: This is a re-write of a scene of The Lost Herondale in Isabelle's point of view. If you have not yet read The Lost Herondale, you might not want to read this. Isabelle has to come to terms with the fact that Simon is not who he used to be.


**_Disclaimer: This is a re-write of the Simon/Isabelle scene in The Lost Herondale in Isabelle's point of view. As expected, spoiler warning. If you have not read The Lost Herondale, you might not want to read this. Basically 90% of the dialogue in this belongs to Cassandra Clare. I just added Isabelle's emotions and thoughts. _**

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Standing in front of her mirror, Isabelle was just about finished putting on all of her Shadowhunter gear when Clary walked into her room and closed the door behind her. "Isabelle," she said. "I know where you're about to go right now."

She stood firmly where she was in front of her mirror, not looking at Clary. "I'm just doing a routine patrol."

"Alone?" Clary skeptically raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Alone."

"I know you've been following up with the Academy again."

Isabelle closed her eyes. Ever since Simon had entered into Shadowhunter Academy, she had been not so secretly keeping up on their assignments and training exercises. When Clary found out about it, Isabelle told her it was just for quality assurance. The Academy had just been reopened and the curriculum was new. Clary knew it was really to keep her mind at peace.

"Clary. They're hunting a vampire. Do they even realize how dangerous this is?" Isabelle finally snapped.

"They do. But they're Shadowhunters. This is what they're training to do."

"Training, Clary. They're not ready. And Simon." She paused upon saying his name. "Simon. They're going to recognize him. This is like betrayal - going from vampire to Shadowhunter. Do you know what happens when you betray a vampire? You die."

Clary knew there wasn't going to be any stopping her from going. She also knew how angry Jace and Alec would be if they found out. But trying to stop Isabelle was like trying to stop a bullet.

"Just. Don't get hurt, okay?" It wasn't a question.

"I can handle one rogue vampire."

"I wasn't talking about the vampire," Clarry added solemnly.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The inside of the broken down factory was pitch black as if it was purposely built to keep sunlight from entering. There were a couple of broken down wooden pieces of furniture that littered the ground. Isabelle walked slowly, listening for any sudden movements. Instead, she heard voices of people approaching and she quickly stepped into the shadow of one of the large pillars in the room, her back pressed up against it, knowing that it was too dark for them to see her.

"Don't worry, hero. If the vamp shows up, I'm here to protect you." One of the boy's voice echoed throughout the building and she couldn't help but be reminded of Jace's overconfidence and arrogance. She caught sight of Simon. He looked nervous and unsure of himself; like he did at Magnus' party when he saw Downworlders for the first time. Not like someone who had once identified with them. Her stomach sank at the idea.

It was still surreal to see Simon again, especially now that he was in training. She had to stop herself from stepping out into their sight and saying something to him but she was only there to make sure nothing went wrong. If everything went well and the trainees could handle themselves, she wouldn't even have to show herself to him, or at least, that's what she kept telling herself.

"Great, I can hide behind your massive ego."

"You want to watch yourself. If you're not careful mundane, you'll…" Isabelle heard the boy's voice become weaker and then a whimper as she looked out from where she was hiding to see the cocky Shadowhunter pressed up against a wall in fear. His face was completely pale like he had just seen a ghost. She quickly took back her thought about him reminding her of Jace.

From the abyss, the vampire in question quickly strode into view and Isabelle heard a loud thump and grunt as she saw the un-Jace-like Shadowhunter hit the ground. Her reflexes uncoiled her whip from her hand and was just about to crack at the vampire until she heard it speak.

"You want to be careful with that thing, Daylighter. I hear you're alive again."

Isabelle took a small side-step out from behind the pillar knowing that Simon would be too distracted to notice her. She saw the dagger in his hand. The vampire, she noticed, was wearing pink glasses despite not needing them anymore and a red shirt with writing on it that she couldn't seem to make out. She was cute and fairly normal looking, not someone who Isabelle would have expected to take a second glance at. Yet, Isabelle still felt a growing feeling of jealousy overcome her. The vampire was talking to Simon and he showed no sign of fear of her. Isabelle knew better though. This vampire might be a fledgling, but she was already learning how to use her skill to mesmerize him and he seemed to be falling for it.

She hated all of this. Simply waiting and watching and making sure he wasn't going to hurt himself in doing so. _'Let him do this on his own_.' She kept thinking to herself. But the more the vampire teased and taunted at him, trying to pry at the remnants of his old life, the more she wanted to step in and finish this. And that was when, quick as a flash, the vampire attempted to make her way towards the door. A glimmer of light flung through the air as she saw Simon swing his dagger at her. Isabelle's knuckles were white from gripping the handle of her whip.

She watched him go through the movements of fighting with the vampire, but it seemed strange to her. Isabelle had killed dozens of vampires herself and this one's movements were so simple and slower. It's like she's playing with her dinner. Isabelle thought, and she probably was. The thought made her uncomfortable.

Suddenly, the vampire grabbed at Simon and flung him onto his back. Her face began to inch closer to Simon's and she knew she had to step in. She knew that, as much as she wanted to trust that Simon could handle fighting on his own, there was only so much time until the vampire would become bored of dangling him around on a string and she would either kill him or turn him.

"I told you, I'm not a Daylighter anymore." Simon's voice became loud as he struggled underneath the vampire who had him pinned across the floor.

"You were a Downworlder once. That will always be a part of you. Even if you forget, they never will." Those were the last words Isabelle heard before her feet were taking off from underneath her, her whip held out in her hand. With a hard crack of it, she wrapped it tightly around the neck of the vampire girl and pulled back. All her anger channeled into her whip brought the vampire's head to come crashing into the concrete.

"Isabelle." The sound of her name broke through the noise. Simon was looking at her with a mix of awe and confusion.

"You're welcome."

Simon began to stand up from where the vampire had him held against the floor. "Why did you do that?"

Isabelle was taken aback from the lack of gratitude in his voice. "Um, because she was about to kill you?"

"No, she wasn't."

"You're not seriously mad at me? For saving your ass?" She became equally baffled and enraged. Isabelle figured she should have to stand down in order for Simon to practice becoming a Shadowhunter. She did not, however, expect that she should have to stand down because he didn't even want her help at all.

"She didn't want to hurt me. She just wanted to go." Simon's voice became louder and angrier still.

"And what? I should have let her? Is that what you were planning to do? There are more people in the world than you, Simon. She killed children. She ripped out their throats." The more and more Simon raised his voice, the more Isabelle became frustrated. Frustrated with the fact that she should have just killed the vampire sooner and walked away to spare her this argument she was having.

But Simon didn't say anything back. He stood there silently as if he was trying to take in what she had just said, like he was deep in thought. Isabelle wasn't sure if she should say anything back or let him think about what she had just said to him. Her heartbeat increased and she started to feel flustered; she felt all sorts of regret for caring about him only to have him continue to push her away. After a moment to pull herself back together, she said his name softly. He looked at her and, for a second, Isabelle thought that maybe Simon would finally see eye to eye with her. Maybe Simon would just understand that she came here because she cared.

What she didn't expect was for him to explode. "You can't keep doing this! It's not your job to choose for me anymore, to decide what I should do or how I should live. Who I should be. How many times do I have to tell you before you hear me? _I'm not him._" He said it with such malice in his voice that Isabelle had to use every bit of restraint in herself not to yell back at him. The more he kept shouting, the less she felt like she knew this boy standing in front of her. "I will never be him, Isabelle. He belonged to you, I get that. But_ I don't_. I know you Shadowhunters are used to having everything your way - you set the rules, you know what's best for the rest of us. But not this time, okay? Not with me."

Every word he spat at her stung at every part of her body until she was washed over with the feeling of complete numbness. Isabelle didn't know what she expected would happen and suddenly Clary's voice rang in her ear. '_Don't get hurt, okay?_' Like hell Isabelle Lightwood was going to get hurt right now. So she hastily tucked away the part of her that wanted to make sure that Simon would make it through this and instead she surfaced the Shadowhunter in her. The person that killed vampires who broke the law. The person that had no time to fall in love.

She calmly wrapped her whip around her wrist and turned off the part of her that held concern over his well-being. "Simon, I think you've mistaken me for someone who cares."

She saw his eyes widen and quite possibly a wince from him and she wanted to feel hopeful that finally he cared. That finally he could hurt the same way that she had. But again, she shoved those feelings far from her mind.

"Isabelle-" Hearing him say her name again was the last thing she wanted and she cut him off without giving him the chance to say the wrong thing again.

"I didn't come here for you, Simon. This is my job. I thought you wanted it to be your job, too. If you still feel that way, I'd suggest you reconsider some things. Like how you speak to your superiors."

"My...superiors?"

"And for the record, since you brought it up? You're right, Simon. I don't know this version of you at all. And I'm pretty sure I don't want to." She had had enough of whatever it was that had just happened and quite frankly, Isabelle was emotionally wiped to have to continue arguing with a boy she no longer knew. Her eyes stung too much and her head hurt even more.

She stepped past him, her shoulder accidentally hitting him. Isabelle walked straight out of the old factory building without looking back at him. A part of her wanted him to follow her. Another part of her hoped he wouldn't even dare to.


End file.
